Hi! I'm Noah, Lexi's brother, and I know absolutely nothing about fashion. I'm not really sure why I'm here, but I think it's mainly because my other option is to go write a 3 page paper I've been putting off. I don't know how I got roped into this, but it should be very interesting.
Noah's take on Salma Hayek: Okay, I know nothing about jewelry. I don’t even know why I’m here! Hmm. But if I had to say something, I’d almost question whether something is wrong with her neck or not… Like maybe an injury or a tattoo? I mean, what other reason is there why it’s so large and uh… large.
Lexi's take on Salma Hayek:
This is not technically a necklace, but I included it in the jewelry anyway. The heavy overdone overbeaded gold necklace is TOO much! It takes me back to the Egyptians and their heavy necklaces. One should not completely hide their neck with jewels. Also, her neck looks confined with the way it continues up until almost her chin!
Noah on Jennifer Garner: Quick! Call the police! She stole that off some poor person’s chandelier! On an unrelated side note, who are all these people anyway? I’ve never heard of them…
Lexi on Jennifer Garner:
This is like something out of a vintage jewelry store! It delicately graces her neck, and forms a beautiful circle. Her earrings are small, but sparkly. The necklace is not too dramatically jeweled and over embellished. Vintage is always a good thing!
Noah on Jennifer Lawrence: Um… I think somebody needs to tell her that the necklace is supposed to go in the FRONT. Interesting.
Lexi on Jennifer Lawrence:
She’s styling the back necklace. I prefer Anne Hathaway’s back necklace (we’ll show this later!). I think Jennifer’s almost looks like it slipped and is on backwards. Her earrings are simple, but pretty. I like the delicacy of the chain necklace, but it needed to be shorter and in the front.
Noah on Helena Bonham Carter: How in the world did she get her necklace shaped like that instead of just a round circle?
Lexi on Helena Bonham Carter:
I love pearls! These are beautiful vintage pearls set on a nice fitted necklace. The diamond earrings were almost mismatched though…it would have been better with dainty pearl drop earrings. But, they still look nice with the crystals in her necklace.
Noah on Anne Hathaway: Finally, an actor I know! Forget what the necklace looks like, look at the price tag! Lexi just showed me an article saying it was a $485,000 necklace! Seriously? Do you know what I would do with $485,000? A lot more than a little tiny necklace. And, if I would pay that much for a necklace, I’d want it to be big. At least then I’d feel like I got my money’s worth out of it.
Lexi on Anne Hathaway:
Here’s the back necklace I was mentioning earlier! It adds a nice twist. I think Anne styled it better than Jennifer, though. ( no offense to Jen!) It is a tad bit sparkly, though. I wouldn’t wear it (since I don’t have any fancy parties to attend!) but it is a great look for her.
Moving on to the clutches and purses of the night!
Noah on Quvenzhane Wallis: Quvenzany Walton?? Get the SPCA! That is a real dog, right? Oh, Lexi just said it’s not. There goes my whole argument. So… Now I have extra space to fill. Um… uh… Oh! Conversation starter. Who is this Oscar guy they named the Oscars after?
Lexi on Quvenzhane Wallis: Noah, do you need help spelling that? Anyway,
let’s just say, the little 9 year old is adorable. And no one else could walk the red carpet with a puppy purse. It’s not my super favorite of the night, but I am glad she went with something age appropriate! Puppy purses are great for anyone under 10….
Noah on Zooey Deschanel: Wow. It’s a Thursday night. It’s 11 PM, and I’m sitting here reviewing handbags. Anything to stall writing my 3-page paper, right? Honestly, I can’t find anything wrong with the purse, as much as I hate to admit it. Although everyone knows you spell Zooey with one “o”.
Lexi on Zooey Deschanel:
I would carry that! It’s a simple light pink satin clutch. Understated, but sleek.
Noah on Queen Latifah: Hmmm. Kind of reminds me of the old Atari game “Breakout” (look it up) Now, the way to make this purse awesome would be to make it actually work where you could play Breakout on it. Now that would be cool.
Lexi on Queen Latifah:
A white block with a tower of chunky diamond bricks? Bad choice for a clutch….that’s got to be pretty heavy….
Noah on Sally Field: Now, this kind of box (I refuse to use the word “clutch”) is a purse-snatcher’s dream. It begs the obvious question, “What’s inside?” If it were me, I’d keep a Hershey bar in there. I hear these Oscars last forever.
Lexi on Sally Field:
Oh look! It’s either a diamond jewelry box, or one of those weird windows you have in your bathroom right above the bathtub!
Noah on Jennifer Lawrence: Oh. Now I’m hungry. It reminds me of two different things. First, it reminds me of like those butter dishes they have in really fancy mansions that the butler brings out and says in a stuffy british accent, “Dinner is served…” It also reminded me of an ice cream sandwich. Ooooooh. Ice cream…..
Lexi on Jennifer Lawrence:
Gold, silver, mismatching jewels? It’s chunky, modern, and doesn’t fit with the dress. Toss it!
Noah on Catherina O'Hara: Augh! When will this end? Just my humble opinion, but it looks like a rare tropical fish.
Lexi on Catherina O'Hara:
Long white gloves extending from the sleeves down? Where on earth did her arms go? And where is that poor bright orange snake that she robbed of its skin to make her purse?! Oh no!!
Noah on Georgina Chapman: Ah! My eyes! My eyes! I need sunglasses. Good news, though! The Oscars people can save money on a disco ball this year. Just have her stand in the middle of the room and spin around!
Lexi on Georgina Chapman:
A pearl clutch….perhaps if she had taken off some of the pearls and had not made the entire thing covered in them! Other than the excess of pearls, a pretty clutch. Her bracelet sparkles and is elegant and feminine.
Noah on Robin Roberts: Hmm. Well, it's definitely shiny. I guess it would be a good way to check and see if there's something stuck in your teeth! Other than that, I'm not sure what to say about it.
Lexi on Robin Roberts: Oooh...it's a round treasure chest covered with jewels!! Ugly as far as clutches go, but I bet it's awfully versatile! You can carry anything in there!
All right, one more installment on Sunday, and the Oscars will be complete! What was your favorite handbag? Whose opinion did you agree with? Whose did you enjoy reading? :)
Until Sunday, Fashionistas!